The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
