well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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