New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize