I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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