so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
