so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
