Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
