I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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