i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
