I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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