I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My life is pants optional.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
