I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dick very happy bro
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
