Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
