My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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