their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
