Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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