Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize