I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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