Are we in a gay sports bar?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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