ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
