Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
