True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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