Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
