I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
