i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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