Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
