fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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