After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
