Define "chronic" masturbator.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
