There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize