Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
