We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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