Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
