Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize