High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
