that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize