Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
