Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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