threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
