my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
