So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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