Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
