Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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