If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
