hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sober January is a disaster.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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