Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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