I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
