My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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