im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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