oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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