He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
