this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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