I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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