grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
