Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
