the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
