I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
