Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
