Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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