its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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