I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
