I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
