She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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