so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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