I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
